In Lust, In Love
Elysian Heights, 1
Copyright © 2018 by Frey Ortega
Dear Spiceless in Seattle,
If you’re thinking about trying to get zesty in the bedroom with your loved one, try some chili-chocolate sauce. My recipe has Tabasco and Jalapeño in it. The chocolate in the sauce is there for the sweetness, and the Tabasco will really get things hot and raunchy!
The worst feeling in the world might not have been this one in particular, but this was definitelyup there.
Madison Wyler stared blankly at the Word document on his computer screen. It was downright sinister, the way the little line blinked at him with every moment that passed. Hell, the document was basically taunting him, calling him out on his streak of horrible ineptitude.
Honestly, Madison didn’t know what to do at that moment except lean back into his chair and sigh.
With every passing moment, Madison was beginning to realize that he wasn’t qualified for this job. He was a lust demon, for crying out loud! He stepped into a bar and everyone wanted into his pants. Why did he think he was qualified to get a random, normal, non-pheromone-wielding, non-sexual-fantasy-tapping person into someone’s pants when all he needed to do was wink, giggle, and flip his hair back to get screwed by the end of the night?
Madison read through their problems every week and realized that in spite of their issues, he was jealous of them, too. They might’ve had problematic relationships, but at least they had relationships to begin with.
Madison ran his fingers through his hair. It felt a little greasy. Shit. The auburn red locks seemed a little less bright than usual, now that he looked in the little mirror to the side of his computer. He hadn’t washed his hair in three days, and his last shower had been about a day ago. Through the last week, he’d been in his little home office tapping away at his keyboard, and then deleting his work, waiting for a miracle of some kind so that he could continue with his writing.
There were dozens and dozens of emails in his inbox, and some of them were even open on his screen. Many of them were readers tuning in to his weekly column trying to get their problems solved—like how to get the fire kindling back in the bedroom, or how to create a safe space to explore kinks and fetishes together—and others were just complaints.
To be honest, he wasn’t even sure why he still had this job in the first place. In some small, fucked up way, Madison kind of thought it was because his editor loved the “tongue-in-cheek” way he was writing his columns and the comedic irony of his advice. Hell, most of his readers had come to realize that much of his writing was more along the lines of terrible than actually helpful. There were whole discussions online dedicated to the acknowledgement that Madison was actually so terrible, he was good.
Madison didn’t really have the heart to tell any of them that this wasn’t so much comedic irony as it was the flailing of a terrible advice-giver who was just trying his best.
Considering who and how they were, it was a surprise that Madison hadn’t ended up in a club, dancing by a pole or going into the escort trade. Not that there was anything wrong with that, but it was a surprise for people in his family. After all, the strongest lust demons could cause frenzies just from their merest presence.
There was a soft beeping sound followed by a little vibration rocking through Madison’s desk, and he immediately picked his phone up and frowned.
Hey gurl, you awake? Working?
Madison rolled his eyes. He knew his sister would be the one sending him a message.
Did you forget my name again, Lily? It’s Madison, you know. Your brother with the girly name because mom and dad thought they were getting another daughter.
Whatever. You didn’t answer my question, bitch.
“Bitch? Really?” He muttered to himself. The corners of Madison’s lips were curling upward in amusement. First it was “gurl” and now it was “bitch.” His sister was one of those self-proclaimed hags. She was extremely proud of it too.
Madison’s phone vibrated and gave a shrill little sound. It was Lily calling.
Trying to curb his exasperation, Madison lifted the phone to his ear. “You know, if I was working, this call would be considered a disruption,” he said, all sass. The sound of bass dropping in the background told Madison all he needed to know about where Lily was. There was the sound of hooting and hollering, and general drunkenness and debauchery, too.
“Well, hello to you too,” Lily said, voice shrill, trying to rise above the din of the club. She sounded about as drunk as Madison expected on a Friday night like this. “You know it’s fucking criminal that you’re working on a night like this, right?”
Madison smirked. “Yeah, well, I have to. There’s a deadline this weekend. My column comes out every Wednesday, remember? Hump day?”
It sounded like Lily was trying to head to a quieter part of the club because the music was becoming less intense. “Yeah, well, it’s only hump day for people who actually get humped. You know, for a lust demon, you’re not using your powers correctly,” Lily mused. “It’s Leather Night at Jizzie McGuire’s, so why don’t you put on that cute little leather harness I bought you for Christmas and hop on down?”
Madison rolled his eyes at that, but he let his sister continue.
“And then Obie told me about this cum-swap party at Holly Daze’s later on this evening, and it’s going to be all young jocks! Come on. Meet your favorite sister out for drinks before you get ratchet on some Grade A dong?”
Madison gagged at the thought, and not in a good way. Sure, he was a lust demon, but orgies were definitely not his thing. “Thanks, but no thanks, sis. I’m not a cum-swap party kind of guy.”
“You know, of the both of us, I’d make the better gay guy. You’re being a downright travesty right now,” Lily said. “If girls were invited to those parties I would live forever, bitch.”
Madison had no doubt she would. She was a one-woman perpetual motion machine. It was weird to have so much intimate knowledge about his sister, but lust demons were rarely reserved or secretive about carnality.
“Well, you know I’m more of a Drag Race and chill kind of guy, right?” Madison said, trying to be helpful. “I don’t really do all that. If I want to go get someone, I just go to a bar and pick a guy out. All that crazy club stuff is more your thing.”
Lily guffawed. “I know, right?”
Madison couldn’t help the smirk on his face, though. He pulled away from the desk and stretched, finally resigned to not being able to write as much as he could have. “Yeah, yeah,” he replied. Really, it was easier to just fluff up Lily’s self-confidence. Not that she wasn’t being truthful. After all, she was the one partying ‘til the sun came up every Friday. Madison was the one who preferred to sleep as early as he could because he needed his full eight hours of beauty sleep.
“I don’t know if I want to go out, though,” Madison answered back.
Lily scoffed. “You’re wasting your good looks out there. Your beautiful brick red hair and your porcelain skin are all lost on a homebody, you know that? Show off your shimmery hazel eyes and flash a little titty or something. Get out there and get your hole fucking destroyed, man. Maybe then you’ll get some of those creative juices flowing!”
Madison made a mental note to chastise his sister later on telling him to basically get fucked. Right now, the indignation was too strong, so instead, he scoffed. “You’re just trying to find an excuse for me to get out and party tonight, aren’t you? Also, ew, please don’t say that ever again. Please.”
“It isn’t an excuse if it’s true,” Lily said in deadpan. There was a long pause, and Madison could hear the sound of slurping. She was probably taking a big sip of her drink. “Wait. I just realized something.”
Uh oh. That was usually not a good sign. What kind of dangerous machinations were inside his sister’s head this time?
Madison tilted his head. “What, that you’re a raging alcoholic surrounding yourself with men who aren’t interested?”
Lily snorted. “There are bi guys here too, you know. And I’m not an alcoholic. Drinking drinks is just a thing that happens in places like these. I clean up pretty well!” Lily retorted. “But no, it’s not that.”
“Then what is it?”
“I said come onto you earlier. I should have said, come on and then cum on. Get it? Like, because of the cum-swap party?”
Madison visibly retched. Yecch. Not that there was anything intrinsically wrong with that, it’s just that risky social situations were not his forte. Meeting new people, dancing with them, and having a one-night stand from time to time, sure—but a party specificallyfor swapping bodily fluids with other guys?
He was perfectly happy swapping that with just one guy at a time, thank you very much. And, he supposed, that was one of the few things that actually made him stand out from his fellow lust demons.
“Are you high, Lily?” Madison asked.
Lily snickered. “Nah, bitch, I’m just way more fun than you. Anyway, smell ya later, grumpy! You know, you really need to clean up and use that beautiful little butt of yours sometimes, otherwise it’s going to end up being like a fireplace you hardly ever use. Open up the flue and put a big piece of wood in there!”
Madison snorted. Lily always had to get the last word in, didn’t she? But he couldn’t fault his sister for that. She was right—in some ways, not all of them, not that he would ever admit that to her face—that Madison did need to get out. Maybe he just needed a way to get out of his funk. Finding someone in a bar seemed like the best solution to his problem.
He just needed to dress his best, turn his charm up, smile and flutter his eyelashes, and by the end of the night he would have firewood up his flue, as Lily so graciously described. And who knows, that random one-night stand could turn into something so much more. It probably wouldn’t, but if he didn’t allow himself the opportunity to experience everything he could…
Madison turned back to his computer and watched the subtle blink of that little line on his Word document. Still, his work taunted him. Madison knew he had to get out of there, and fast. This wasn’t going to get done tonight, but maybe he could be.
And now he had to wonder, if the ability to think of naughty puns ran in the family, why couldn’t he have just found a job doing that?